Speechless

adulthood

It's amazing how much you learn about life within the split second between your childhood and your adulthood. It's amazing how much you learn about life when you're forced to grow up. You never know when it will happen, sometimes it never does, but one day, something occurs that you will never be able to describe.

Today, I think that happened to me.

Though I'd love to say it was something simple and unimportant in the lives of others around me, I would be a complete liar. My life was changed, obviously. But what about the lives of the others around me? PB? Catelynn? Faith? Blaine, Chris
, Mrs. Lori? What about Jason? What about Alice herself?

I guess I should explain.

Earlier tonight, the children were minding their own business, doing the living nativity like they've done every year for as long as they can remember. Personally, I love watching, being in, and just being immersed in everything that is included in the 'living nativity' ceremonies. I wouldn't have missed it for the world. Now, part of me wants to say that I wish I hadn't witnessed the accident. Meanwhile, still, deep down, I know it was for the better. Anyways, all was well and normal when we hear squealing breaks. I turn around to see a walker hurling towards our faces and an elderly woman flying through the air. Yes, she was walking across the street after getting groceries at Braum's and was hit by a van.

Jason. Poor Jason. He saw it all. All six foot something of him, tough as he may look, never left that woman's side. Jason stayed outside with the police and private investigators long after the ambulance had left.

Catelynn. My adopted sister. I guess we were close before. We really had no choice. Her sister is my best friend and we're just always connected. Catelynn saw it too. I would have done everything within my power to have kept that image, that horrific image, from her mind. But I can't. I couldn't.


It was there in that moment that you act on adrenaline. It's bizarre. You will probably always wonder what - FORCE - made it possible for you to think under such conditions. I ran towards the woman. I couldn't help it. Phones flipped out of pockets, all trying to reach 911. 2 certified nurses just happened to be driving by at the time. That's such a God-thing.

But Catelynn started to cry. I don't blame her. If I knew how to, I probably would have as well. Honestly, to tell you the truth, if I hadn't willed myself to be strong, I would have. But there, right there in the middle of that chaos, I think I became an adult. Not age-wise. And not physically. But mentally, spiritually, maybe even in my maturity. Being the support system for a 13 year old girl who doesn't understand why the driver couldn't have swerved; being the support system for a room full of school aged children that were immediately rushed indoors without any information; being the support system for myself. It's a big job, no matter how shallow it sounds.


I knew, from the moment of impact, that it was Satan working. What else could have happened there? There's no way something like that just 'happens'. One could also conclude that there's a reason that this all happened. Isn't the devil's main goal in life is to keep the spread of the Gospel of Jesus Christ from occurring? That would mean that we were successfully ministering to our community, which was our intent.


I can't help but to wonder...
what if we had done the living nativity next week?
what if
what if
what if
I can ask a million 'what if's but it won't change anything.

I'm now an adult, I think.

It's a little bizarre, but I'm ready to cope.


Ha. I guess I'm not all that speechless after all.


H